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Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
 I've been up since 3 AM. 

Couldn't fall back asleep. I had growing pains for some reason? And then my mind would NOT stop fretting about work, getting a new job, and the fact that I want to humiliate "pastor" Terry Jones today in Dearborn.

I haven't exercised all week because I've been sick. Sick enough to the point that I have to go home next weekend for a doctor's appointment that I DON'T want to go to. Seriously, this appointment is going to suck.

However, I weighed 130 last week, but didn't look like it at all. It was weird. I think it was because I didn't have any money last week at all, so I barely ate. Which isn't healthy, but I didn't have any money for food. I have some now though!!! Yay!

I am thinking about getting a Blogger instead of LiveJournal. I feel like LiveJournal is very limited in it's user-friendliness when it comes to outsiders. I would like to do some "serious" blogging and see if I could get somewhat of a following of readers. I've already begun writing down topics. I've found a lot of inspiration lately in how I view the world, and I'd like the world to know how I feel. I dunno, I feel like I would cross post here as well because I really love the community of LiveJournal and the resources that are available here.

Next week is the last week of classes before finals and then I come home!!! I'm thinking about getting a job as a receptionist. I would probably like that job a lot more than working at Meijer. And at a lot of places, the pay is better for more hours of work. I'm looking into it.
I keep freaking out because I feel like I have no marketable skills and I am not ready to be in the work force. I'm so scared about that. I am thinking of double-majoring in something else just so I can learn another skill that I can actually apply to life. I would like teaching, but getting that degree by itself is a nightmare. I would be here for another six years. Eff that.
Yesterday in my Death and Dying class we talked about doctor-assisted suicide. There is a law in Oregon that allows this under pretty reasonable conditions. One of them is that the person cannot be depressed. So we started on the topic of depression, and everyone was talking about it like they knew what it was like even though they kept saying, "I don't have depression, but..." I'm glad I was on my medication or else I would have either cried or yelled at them. My patience was wearing very thin in that class yesterday.
There is nothing very fun in this post. I'm sorry. Here! Have a fun gif!
Or two
Current Mood: workingworking
Current Music: "The Bells of Notre Dame"- Hunchback of Notre Dame
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
 I'm going to proceed with this 30 days of truth again! I thought to do it now because I CANNOT sleep for the life of me, and I've been thinking about doing this for a long time.

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life

There are so many things I want to do in my life. I think I'll just make a list; seem's easier.

-Make a living as an actor
-Act in England*
-Train in England*
-Have a main role in a film
-Win an Oscar
-Learn to sew
-Get a Ph.D in something I love
-Learn to sing properly
-Walk the steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower*
-Live in Paris
-Live in London*
-Write a play
-Work at Second City
-Be a volunteer in the Peace Corps for at least two years
-Learn to Speak French, Italian, Latin, and Arabic
-Visit Palestine
-Write a book
-Help build schools in Africa
* These things are probably going to be happening within the next year when I study theatre abroad in London!!!!!
I am so excited for that, you have NO IDEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: "Colors of the Wind"- Pocahontas
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
 Weekly Exercise Update:

Weight at beginning of regimen: 136 lbs
Current goal: 125 lbs

Working out week 1 reviewCollapse )

For those of you who want to know what the regimen is, I forgot to put the link in the last post. Here is the site.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: "Billie Jean"- Michael Jackson
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
 New Banner!
New layout! 
New mood theme!


Getting ready to start posting again.

So, yeah!

And I've been toying with photoshop! So new icons as well soon!

I'm excited.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: "Crane Wife 1"- The Decemberists
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
03 April 2011 @ 04:30 am
 I've decided I need to start taking my life into my hands. I have been doing a lot better lately with not being so lazy all the time, but I still have a long way to go.

I found a website that has a different series of workouts every week for 4-5 days. It's called Get Fit By Memorial Day.

So, I think what better way to keep on schedule with this than to post my progress with it? I'm more likely to be sticking to it if I have to post every day. Also, it will help me get back into the habit of posting things considering how terrible I am about having a daily schedule.

Every week I am going to post a picture of my progress. I probably won't show much at the beginning, but as I go on there should be some improvements. I'll also post my weight and my BMI every week. If I can get my measurements, I'll do that too.

So, yeah. This is really important to me because I really need to get into shape if I want a career in acting and I am starting it all now. :)
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: "Letterbomb"- Green Day
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
02 February 2011 @ 04:35 pm
 I had planned on changing my layout, reading posts, and posting this week.
But then IT happened. 

I don't know when exactly the moment was when I began feeling like this, but it has taken over my life and my personality. It's been about a week and a half, and from what I've read, people have experienced it for years.

The problem is called depersonalization. It make me feel like I am in a dream and watching my life outside of my body. I don't feel connected anymore, and I lack very much emotion except for sadness because of it and fear that it will never end. It is the scariest thing I have ever felt, and it is what I felt when I was on pot that one night. That was a traumatic experience for me due to the fear it induced, and I believe that that is what is causing all of my problems. 

I don't know how to get out of the feeling except not thinking about it. And this is pretty much impossible because the second I start thinking about it again, it comes back.

I'm afraid to go out. ANYWHERE. I can't even go to the dining hall because I'm so scared. I have been skipping classes because I'm so tired from taking Xanax that I can't get myself out of bed. And it doesn't even matter if I get out of bed or not because I am going to be miserable all day anyway.

I talked to a lot of people about this including my therapist, and no one seems to know the answer. Everyone cares about me, and worries, and I have a great support system, but this means nothing if I'm scared of life. I don't know what to do. I worry all the time anyway, and this just makes it worse.

I have been looking online for solutions and I found one from eHow. I am going to try to make it work. This is a process that apparently takes a long time. I really can't afford it taking a long time, so I am going to try to get rid of it as best as I can. 

I have been trying to get depression medication, but there was a problem with it, so I've just been taking anti-anxiety medication so far.

I am so scared. And I feel like no one can help me.
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
 I'm thinking I am going to put my old layout up. I care not for this one.

So, I'm applying for University of Michigan's theatre program. What does that mean? Let's take a look at all the facts, shall we?

1. The deadline date for applying to the theatre department is Dec. 1.
2. You need a shitload of stuff to apply to the theatre department.

So. Yeah. The thing is, I only just recently discovered my yearning to move on to a better theatre school. I don't particularly like the acting program at Central because it isn't very specialized. I feel like I cannot work on my craft as much in this school because the courses that are provided are very basic and broad. I have to go to a specialized acting school.

"But Chelsey, the deadline is December 1st. You're past the deadline date."
Why, yes, you're right, friendly person. But that discouraged me for about two seconds until I looked at an update on the website that states that they are currently in their grace period for accepting admissions. After a little e-mail, I asked the woman who is head of admissions when she believes their grace period is likely to end, and she said in about ten days.

And on the website it says it goes a little longer, but I am shooting for getting this all done in a week. 

And what does that mean for me? Well, it's finals week! So I am going to be infinitely busier than I initially was going to be just studying for my *cough* two *uncough* finals.

Oh, and by the way, yes, I am extremely pissed off at myself that I even considered the transfer so late. And I am also quite angry at myself that I want it so terribly bad.

The upside, I am pretty optimistic about this. McNutt told me that I probably don't have the chops for U of M (academic-wise because of my lower ACT scores) but surprisingly, I didn't get discouraged. I really want to try, for once in my life.

So, one day down. Six to go. This is going to be so (pardon my use of the word) EPIC.

Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: "Woodland Critter Christmas"- South Park
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
24 November 2010 @ 02:02 am
 Trying out this new layout by milou_veronica . There is something wrong with the sidebar, but I'll fix it later. I'm bloody tired. Hope you like it.
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
 30 Days of Truth: Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for.

First of all, I should state that I wish I would have waited before jumping into a relationship after I broke up with Luke. This would have given me time to fully get over him, and I feel that I hold a lot of unneeded resentment toward him because of it.

I have to forgive Luke for the way he treated me. He was so engulfed in whatever he wanted to do and himself that he did not truly care about me. I was always the person bending over backwards for him (that's what she said) and he never returned the love I gave him. The thing is, that is who he is. I should accept it by now, but I feel that I shouldn't still be comparing Sean to him. It is over, and yes, Sean is an infinitely better boyfriend than he is. I think that if I would have allowed myself time to get over the relationship before jumping into a new one, I wouldn't be so bitter toward him. It's been long enough, and it's time to forget about it.

I also have to forgive my father for what he did to Erin and for jumping so quickly into his relationship. This may seem like hypocrisy, but it is a little different when you are married and don't even make an attempt to fix your marriage. I am extremely bitter toward him because he told her he wanted a divorce on Christmas Eve. How absolutely selfish. And he is with this other woman, who I will admit is really nice, but I can't just approve of this. I mean, you were married for Christ's sake.
But... he is really happy. It just pisses me off. He has also been really selfish lately when it has to do with him picking Tyler up an paying child support, but I don't want to get into that.

Finally, I have to forgive Steve Carell. He's leaving the Office at some point, and it is just really going to hurt. It already hurts, but at some point, I have to forgive him for wanting a film career.

Now Sean wants to read this.
Current Mood: listlessLaaaaaame
Current Music: Trololo
Dr. Rev. Chelsey Herbert Colem5an PhD of Xenuology
30 Days of Truth: Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

I've only told one person the following things before, and that is Shannon McNutt.

I blame myself for my brother's learning disability. He has had a very difficult time reading throughout the years. It makes me so sad to watch him struggle to pronounce things and spell easy words wrong, only to be told off by Grammar Nazis for being "careless." It breaks my heart. And I blame myself for this for two reasons.

The first reason sounds probably sounds silly. And mean. You see, when I was younger, for some reason, I was very bitter towards my brother. I think this is because I craved attention, and he was the one who got it because he was younger than I was. Nevertheless, we were very close and I spent most of my time around him. And I remember that whenever he would say something wrong or what I thought was stupid, I would hit him on the top of the head.
I think when I was in about 3rd grade, I found out that your soft spot does not entirely stop being soft until you're five years old. I was doing this to him when he was probably 3. I don't really know why I did this to him, but I have felt terrible ever since. And when we began to notice him having a problem with reading, the guilt started. I feel like I did some sort of brain damage to him, and I've never really forgiven myself for it.

The second reason is because my mother needed my help. She bought Hooked on Phonics and would ask me to work with him on it. I probably did it once, but other than that, I didn't. I was a kid when this happened as well, so I should be able to understand that I thought it was boring and was antsy. Still, I was in probably 5th grade, so I feel like I should have been old enough to be selfless for a second and help my brother out. 

Another thing I have to forgive myself for is for not getting the best grades in high school. I'm probably not going to forgive myself for this anytime soon, but at some point I'm going to have to. Actually, I should forgive myself for middle school because that's what lead to my habits in high school. I did not see how important it was to learn until it was too late. Then I got my act together. By that time, it was senior year, though. So the 4.0 in my senior year means nothing when I failed my A.P. U.S. History class in my Junior year. I could have gone to U of M, where is where I really wish I was right now, and I hate myself for not being able to get in now.

Finally, the last thing I need for forgive myself for are for all the stupid little things I say and the little awkward moments I have in life that I tend to drone on forever. It always bothers me hours later, and I still feel humiliated even when other people probably don't care. 
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=726M0bKcOho